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Balancing Act Posted By: Aaronsmom
Posted On: 05/13/2008
I have this image in my head of the Cat in the Hat balancing on a ball with a cake, umbrella, tea cups, and somewhere in the mix that annoying little fish. I feel like that sometimes. The thing is, the cat was doing an okay job of balancing it, then it all came crashing down and to make it worse, it was not the cat that was the most effected by the mess, but the kids. See, I thought I had everything balanced, work, school, family, doctor appointments, homework, dinner, the dog, paying the bills, house work…well not so much the house work, but still, I thought I was doing okay. Everything came crashing down when my daughter, probably the toughest most confident kid I know, told me in a flood of tears and anger that I loved Aaron more and that I never spent any time with her. I just ignore her. Damn it.

The teapot is broken, the umbrella is bent, the cake is inedible, and the fish is most likely emotionally scarred and will need years of therapy. How is it that even when you are doing more than most people, if you let one thing slide you feel like a failure? I’m so worried about being the mom who is organized and whose children are always dressed nice and their homework is always done and turned in on time. I try to be the person who goes the extra mile at work by taking on more projects, joining the committee, volunteering to run the group. I need to bring the best snack to the Boy Scout meeting or do the extra projects to get the extra badges. I try to seem so put together and I’m just not. That is just NOT me!

I’m flighty, forgetful, completely unorganized, a procrastinator, I lose everything and I’m always late. I’m all those things, but I love my children and I don’t want this stupid balancing act to hurt them. I can’t put down the doctors, work, school, or the bills, but I can get rid of those other things that I have given such value to. Who cares what people at work, school, or in Boy Scouts think of me? They can say I’m flaky so long as they say I’m a flaky mom with happy, secure, loved children.

Now if only the Cat will come back with that crazy machine to clean my house.
       
KevinLivsDad wrote this reply on 05/13/2008
Horton hears a who... Its OK. Your not super mom even though the job description says you must be. It must be hard to be an ASD sib. Perfect is the enemy of good enough. Just remember that. Can't do it all.

KevinLivsDad wrote this reply on 05/13/2008
BTW, I am sure you are a great mom

Kim Howell wrote this reply on 05/13/2008
Are you my twin living in a parrellel universe?I feel your pain! I know the footsteps you take, because I'm doing them too. I am the "mom" of a blended family. His and mine. All 4 live with us. My 2 children are N.T. and his 2 are ASD. You can tell already who gets the most attention - not because they are loved more, but because they need me more. It is a fine line and a carefully executed juggling act to make sure everyone is fed, at appointments, have projects comepleted, the laundry done, the bills paid - and oh yeah, put on that happy smile so everyone knows how great your life REALLY is. I also do volunteer work - but I do it for me. It is the only part of my life that is MINE. I am involved with the American Cancer Society - and I am the Chair for the next 2 years of Relay For Life - not a small undertaking. Oh, did I mention that my husband is an elected official? Yeah, so we have that campaign to look forward to in 2 years. I think stress becomes such a part of our lives that we don't know what it is like to be without it. As for your daughter, you do realize that she knows that you love her, right? She probably just had "one of those days" - like we all do - but she hasn't found that "happy smile" to plaster on her face - yet. Hang in there mom, she will be fine - and you will too. Now - take an hour just for you - go soak in a hot bath-tub or read a good book (or a trashy one - I don't care) - just do something just for you. It may seem selfish - but you have to remember who YOU are or you will get lost in the shuffle of taking care of everyone else. Take care of your self - no one else will, and if you are "broken" then who will take care of everything? That's my fear - - who will step in and take over the juggling act and the high wire act, if something would happen to me?Best of Luck!Kim

Motherof4 wrote this reply on 05/14/2008
I can completely relate to where you are! My new mantra is: "sometimes, you have to say 'no' to say, 'yes.'" I just have to keep repeating it, maybe I'll start to live it... P.S. the fish probably needs some good hugs and private time with mom. Knowing that mom will respond to her when she needs mom will help her to know that she can ask for help and get it. "Years of therapy" can probably be avoided!! Hang in there!

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