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Ten Seconds of Air Time Posted By: roedel
Posted On: 02/12/2008
What is the one thing that we take for granted every moment of our life? We do it every few seconds and it escapes our conscience thought. In fact since you have begun reading this you have already done it a at least a few times. We forget that we are breathing. That every couple of seconds we fill our lungs up with air in order to live. I am as much a biologist as I am a member of the Village people...so I am not quite sure of how the science of breathing works. I dont know how the oxygen passes through my body and into my brain. I am certain however that without doing it I would go the way of the unicorn. I also know that if I dont breath enough air I get dizzy...and I know that air is invisible...and that if people breath too much they can hyperventilate....and that the air in bigger cities smells like my uncle. Thats not very much knowledge for something that I depend on thousands of times per day is it? I dont respect how many times I have breathed in my life without anything going wrong. I cannot remember a instance during my 32 years that I have opened up my mouth to search for air and not find any. It is unimaginable to ponder how many times I have breathed in my life. Millions of times this invisible air has saved me without a thank you on my part. So tonight I want to give a special shout out to the O2 for keeping my skin away from a yucky shade of blue.

Keeping me alive is not the only thing that breathing has done for me. Air has been my tonic for mental health as of late. One of the practices I have been incorporating into my life is that when times get rough I spend a moment and just breathe. When stress arrives on my door like a vacuum salesman I dont react...I just take in air. Yes, it sounds a little Zenbut it has made a difference for me. When my world seems near disaster I just count to ten and breath. Yes, I stole this idea from one of my favorite TV shows LOST. (warning! warning! Geek alert! ) One of the main characters named Jack has a system where when he faces crisis he counts from one to ten in his mind. You let the moment pass over you like a wave and when you reach 10 you then address the problem. I liked that so much I started to use the 10 second count in my life During that ten second intermission I just inhale and exhale. This saves me from saying or doing the wrong thing by just reacting to the situation that is in front of me. In fact some of the greatest revelations I have had lately have come during those 10 seconds of airtime. I think maybe a good example would fit in nicely here:

A couple weeks ago my family and I was shopping at Target. I am one of those parents who kind of dreads taking my kids to public places. Anytime we go to a restaurant or to a movie I spend what seems to be several hours prepping my children so that they realize I dont want to make a commotion. I dont like making a spectacle...I like our family seen but nod heard. This is totally my downfall! I need to realize that when you have a six year old with autism and a three year old with a social agenda that being a traveling noise machine is part of the deal. Anyway, my autistic son Noah has been doing so great lately. We used to not be able to take him to places like Target because we were terrified he would run away or that he would want to experiment with some laundry detergent on the store floor. Those days have been behind us for a while now. Noah has just held our hand and been a total superstar the last few months we brought him. This day was different.he was having a bad day. I should have know this but I didnt recognize it until it was too late. By the time we got into the heart of the store he began to get really upset that we werent going to go to get a bunch of toys. Noah had not had a serious fit in over a year but my wife and I knew it was coming and there was little we could do. Within moments he threw a temper tantrum that could be heard from space. At one point my wife was trying to console him on the other side of the store and I could still hear him as if he were right next to me. He was so upset and I felt terrible. So I started to move in their direction. Needless to say that the other patrons started to take notice of his loud cries that filled Target. Since I was not with my son who was having a fit nobody thought I was his father. This allowed the others feel free to let their thoughts be heard. As my three year old and I followed the screaming I started to hear the others speak.

"My son would never get away with that!" was the first comment I heard from a girl picking out some shoes.. To be honest it hurt a lot...so I started to count and breath. 'One" I thought.

Then I heard from some older lady the classic: "What kind of parents would not be able to control their kids?"

I wanted to turn around and at least give some sort of crusty look that a character from 90210 would appreciate. This lady did not know a thing about our son. She did not know he was autistic. She did not know that when he got upset he was unable to calm himself down. She didnt know that my wife and I have worked tirelessly on his therapy. That we have forsaken so much money, time, emotion, and life just to get him to get ready for kindergarten! That lady had no clue to how much my wife loved him. That if she knew these things that perhaps she would have curbed her tongue...she however just assumed that it was all the product of bad parenting. Since I was still only on the number four in my mind I just kept walking. I reminded myself to keep breathing.

"What a cry baby! Waaaahhhh!" was the next line that hit my ears from some guy laughing in a leather jacket.

I went from feeling slight embarrassment to rage at this point. What kind of person says something like that about a little boy? I am not a fighter by any means. I am not brave...moths frighten me. However, I wanted to tackle this man and have him eat every single one of the dog biscuits he had in his cart. No doubt that he would have pummeled me into marshmallow fluff...but I still wanted him to pay for making fun of my defenseless child. Instead I exhaled and inhaled while walking toward the sounds of my crying son. I did think at one point how great it would be if one of these people would just offer to help or to at least give a smile of encouragment.

When I hit eight in my mind I saw my wife carrying Noah in her arms...I saw tears sliding down his bright red face. I had made it to ten and I was no longer angry or hurt by what anyone else in the store had said. I was only concerned for my wife and my heartbroken son.

My wife and I made an escape plan for them to get out while I continued our shopping. Their entire walk out of the store was sound tracked by my little guys wailing! My wife with a stride of courage that I am not sure I possess walked boldly past the self righteous audience out the front door. When I no longer heard his cries I knew that they had made it out to the parking lot. I stopped for a moment and began to think about what had just happened.

What would have happened if I would not have counted? I would have probably spent five minutes arguing with the old lady about proper parenting skills and the diagnosis of autism....and then I would have gotten a broken lip by going after the guy in the leather jacket. All that would have been done in front of my three year old whose hand I had been holding...and it would have delayed me from where I was most needed....next to my wife consoling my boy. Spending those moments just breathing and not reacting allowed me to have a moment of inspiration as well.

How many times in my life have I been like those people? How many times have I stood in line at the grocery store and thought something about the person in front of me? How many times have I acted judgmentally about a situation someone else was in. Standing there in Target I realized that I was just like those folks who were so cruel. I probably would have thought the same thing if our roles were reversed. I need to live my life with more empathy. I need to put myself in other peoples shoes more often. I must be the person in the store who would offer to help or at least give a smile of encouragement. In short my ten seconds of air time taught me I must become a better person.

So breathing is good for the body and the soul. It helps us to take a moment to just think without reacting out of emotion. My son Noah got over his tears within a moments once we made it back home that day . I, however, will never forget the ten seconds I spent breathing in Target. I hope I never will.
Tags:  autism,  hope,  personal story,  john roedel
       
shannonj wrote this reply on 02/13/2008
Beautifully described....I was there with you in Target. How many lessons autism has to teach...

stevej wrote this reply on 02/13/2008
I can totally relate. Great story and descriptions...

AWETISM wrote this reply on 02/13/2008
Wow thanks for sharing that and even throught your feeling you learned something so meaningful. I have wanted to do some of the same things you just wrote about.My son likes to eat hair and play with his spit so I'm sure you can think of the comments and looks I have received.

Motherof4 wrote this reply on 02/13/2008
Aah. That takes me right back. Fortunately, maybe, our son is old enough that people generally figure out that there's something different than they're used to going on. Several times, I wanted to react in rage to similar comments. It's true, though, it's so easy to judge a situation like that, even now, after all we've been through. We just have to keep remembering what it's like to be on the receiving end.

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