For many years now, 12-year-old grandson Jack has been willing to follow most of my suggestions. He is always eager to see the "Schedule" so that he can know what to expect on the Wednesday afternoons we usually spend together. Sometimes he wants to make some change, to have his apple before, instead of after, his riding session. Or he may question why Auntie Lee's house isn't on the docket. Just writing down the expectation was usually all it took for him to be willing to go along with it. No longer. Last week, he barked "pencil" as soon as he had read the item "Play outside until Mummy gets home." He was willing to use more words, and include a "please," but he would not negotiate the heavy line he drew through the unwanted item. "No outside!" It was not a fight I chose to engage it right then. This week it got physical. We went to Shaw's to pick up a few items and I was at first pleasantly surprised at how smoothly things were going. Jack carried the basket, and helped pick out the exact number of items we had on our list. He accepted that there were to be no strawberries because they weren't on the list. He waited patiently for our number to be called at the deli counter. But after a short wait in the cash register line, he started wandering and calling out "Pink Ball." I said we'd do pink ball after we paid, and he showed me the display of rubber balls at the other end of the store. He didn't just show me, he grabbed one and said "Take home." I gave him the standard answers and explanations, which have been accepted in the past, not immediately maybe, but eventually. This time he switched to wanting to go to the bathroom. A Shaw's bathroom is out of the question, as he needs supervision, and the pair of us is welcome in neither the men's or women's room. With the suggestion that we go home to the bathroom, he went back to demanding, at full volume, the pink ball AND the bathroom. Then he moved to the water fountain, which was a relief, but did not last long. I'm not new to these behaviors but what is new is that Jack is now so big and strong that I cannot gently lead him to another activity, or take his hand and pull him toward the door while I describe the delights of apples and music waiting in the car. I am trying to be grateful that he is strong and healthy. I am trying to remember that his mother is having the same problems, since he is stronger than she is, now, too. I am trying to remember that he is reaching adolescence and wants control of his own actions as every growing child does. But I am not looking forward to more screaming in public places, or wrestling as a last resort! Surely there are other grandmothers out there who have lived through this. Just let me hear from you!

Keep on Keepin On More on My Son (Part 29) June 23, 2009 Well it has been a while since an update and just wanted to write our newest challenge with our son. Now he is always insisting he is first in everything! From playing a simple board game, to going down the slide with his cousin, to racing in the backyard. This past weekend resulted in 2 major meltdowns. A (seemingly long) 4-5 minutes after each breakdown some level of communication was reached with him as I tried to explain he will not always be first at things. Each time a very tearful "ok" escaped his lips. I tend to see this as an extension of the "taking turns" issue we face with him sometimes. Lord knows I'm sure that I am not the only parent who wishes and wants their son (or daughter) to be first in everything he (or she) does, but unfortunately we all know this can't be the case. I think this is a stage most all children go through, but sometimes seemnigly worse for some based on their other challenges, in this case his mild to moderate autism. This condition just makes it harder to find a way to explain it to him so he understands. Despite this though, I still see some major progress and efforts on his part. Just yesterday he came up to me in the kitchen while I was fixing my plate fo food and asked me: "Daddy, you want to come watch a movie with me?" It sounded great and felt even better. Now for the past 2 weeks or so I would just fix my dinner and go back to his romo and watch his tv while he played and sometimes watched with me. But this time he actually asked. He is getting better about his complete sentences and seems to be trying so much harder to express himself to me. So hard at times you can see the concentration on his face as he struggles to figure out how to express something to me. Hope everyone out there had a Happy Father's Day.

Please check out my website and subscribe to my feeds. You can access all of my blog entries and great special needs parenting links there. http://www.magicalmischiefmaker.com/

http://www.artismbynick.blogspot.com/ Last year someone sent me Nick's link when he was just starting out. I am happy to say, when I ask for a card to send soldiers, Nick stepped up the the challenge and created the perfect card. I joke, Nick is my online Hallmark shop, because this is where I get all my cards from. If you have not seen Nick's shop, click and stay a while. I think you too, will find his work moving and very special. And oh, the service is outstanding, and the cards are stunning in 'real life'. Anyone with a special event coming up...I strongly recommend allowing this young man to make your special cards or invitations for you!! Cheryl Bailey

Another Not Feeling it Moment More on My Son (Part 28) June 1, 2009 Things are changing again. He has been so excited about going to see the new Disney Pixar movie, UP. So Sunday morning we got his earplugs and all three of us headed out to the movie theater. Everything was going well until we are about halfway into the movie and he told me he wanted to go home. We I took him out and we went to the restroom and told we had to at least go back in to get mom. He said ok and we went back in, he watched more of the movie, I guess until about 15-20 minutes to the end. Then he started again with "I wanna go home, can we go home". So we left. Do not misunderstand, I am thrilled he is articulating himself so well, but this is the 2nd movie in a row that he spent weeks talking about, but wanted to leave early from. As recently as March, he would sit and watch an entire movie. Not sure what is the cause of the change. I calmly talked to him and he would just repeat "because it is too hard to watch". He could not articulate any more as to why it was hard to watch. I honestly think (hope) he would if he knew and could figure out specifically why. I can not help but wonder if this is related to my previous blog entry about him not being able to focus and concentrate for longer periods of time as much as he could in recent months. He has been able to watch several full length movies in the theater for the past 1 1/2 years with no issue until recently. Yesterday afternoon, we had to leave the in-laws a little earlier than expected because he had a melt-down, he could not recover from. We are having a problem with him listening and being very disrespectful, lately. Sometimes we will ask him to do something and it might take him 1-5 minutes to do it. But more lately his responses have been in the range of: "NO!!!" "Go Away.... I said GO AWAY NOW!!!!! "LEAVE ME ALONE" "I SAID NOOOOOOOOOO" "FINE!!!!" These responses are sometimes interrupted by him hitting, kicking, almost clawing at the stomach area. If left alone, he will find something to thrown, knock over, etc... We are not sure of the best approach to take with him, regarding these new discipline problems. We have at most till the end of the summer to get these resolved and a good workable solution, in order for him to be continued to be mainstreamed with his class into 1st grade.