all good parents provide their children with the tools they need to grow, develop, learn, and succeed. Some push their children toward specific character traits, beliefs, careers and lifestyles. Others are less directive. But no good parent would simply "accept" their newborn as they are - and provide no direction or support.
Children with autism need and deserve parental guidance. But autism does present more of a challenge. Parents can accept their child's preference for solitude - but fear that their child's lack of social skills will limit their options in the larger world. Parents may accept their child's passion for Pokemon, chess or trains - but still try hard to expand their child's horizons.

When is a parent's intervention positive and helpful - and when is it overwhelming? How can a parent provide a child with autism with skills, options and opportunities while also respecting that child's distinctive personality and characteristics?

Like any parent, we are walking a fine line. Unlike most parents, though, we are pushed hard - by family, peers, schools, agencies and the media - to do more, more, more for our children with autism.

So... how much is enough? How much is too much?

Of course, we all know that it depends on the person.

As the parent of one autistic and one "typically developing" child, I give them both the tools they need to grow up to be the best they can be.

For Jack, it's community integration and a social skills program so that when he needs help and I'm not there, he'll know how to ask for directions, instruction, etc. Thankfully, he's verbal although most of what he talks about is Disney :-) and not real conversation. So teaching him the basics of human interaction is more important than whether he can do math or a science experiment.

His brother Sam will start kindergarten in September and he'll undoubtedly have obstacles that we'll help him overcome. Since his inter-communication skills are fine, he'll need to learn math and science and other things that will help him succeed.

I don't know if I'm doing enough. But I do know that - as a working mother of 2 boys - if I try to do any more, I'll go crazy. :-)

Thats something I struggle with all the time. Am I pushing too hard, or accepting too easily that its just where he is right now. I don't know. A few months ago we were making great progress, and nothing drastic has changed but he is slipping back further in his own little world and I don't know what to do or how to help him. Yet he is a happy kid so ... where do I go from here. I wish I knew.

I agree with your first paragraph that parents need to guide their children and open them up to various opportunities and experience.

I am not a parent of a child with auitsm, but I work daily with kids and adults diagnosed with severe autism. From my perspective, in general I feel we need to expose them to all sorts of opportunities, ideas and experiences and also set the bar of expectation up somewhat high to get the most out of them...but not set it too high to lead to frustration. I have found though that when we expect a lot, we always get more than we imagined. Plus, the students are so proud of their accomplishments.

On the other side, if the child has an obsession or passion, take this passion into areas that need more experience or help. Utilize the passion to help them progress further. So, if the kid likes Pokemon cards, utilize the Pokemon cards in a matching game or with math practice. If the child likes chess, utlize chess pieces in the hands on project or library searching. We all have things we love and utilizing those subjects to encourage us to expand our "horizons" seems more fun. In other words, we can take those things (Pokemon cards, Thomas the Train...whatever) and bring them into a more extensive learning environment which builds trust and interest from the child.

I currently work in an adult transition and when we are not doing job skills or working at actual jobs, we sometimes do deskwork or individual work. Some of the students enjoy matching tasks, but since they are adults, we try to make them more age appropriate...like matching Angels baseball players to their numbers...or matching items out of a catalog to the names of the items. The students enjoy mastering the tasks and being involved in a subject matter that is acceptable at all ages.

I don't know if what I am saying is making sense.

Parents of kids with autism are challenged daily from all sorts of angles. Don't be hard on yourselves. You are doing a super job!