State: CA
Country: USA
Member since: Dec 29, 2007
Last logged in: Oct 07, 2008
I am the dad of my 4 y/o daughter Liv. She was dx in August of 07. Liv is my only child. If you stop by my page leave me a post below. God Speed to you all.
I am in my mid 30's recently divorced (unrelated to autism & pre-regression). Liv & I enjoy the outdoors as much as possible. This summer I hope to take her camping with me. BTW, I am the worst speller of all time please take a laugh at how I spell ;)
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KevinLivsDad's Compositions
by KevinLivsDad on 04.13.08 - public - 234 visits
I am realizing, as I over hear conversations & kind of nod out of other conversations of NT parents. I have no idea. I don't know what it is like to have an NT kid. I only have one child, I only know one way. I hear my x wife describe what she feels in this situation, I thought she was just dwelling on it. I actually, took the time today as it was my non-parenting weekend & experienced it. I now know what she really means. I have no idea what it is like to be a NT parent. It made me sad. I ask my daughter how was school today. I get a smile, which is what I am thankful for. I get no reply. I wonder what she did how she felt. I have no idea. I used to know her favorit color was blue, her fav. animal was a bobcat, bird was a blue bird. favorite fruit a mango. Now I no longer know her favorites. I assume they are the same but, I have no idea. I wish I knew. I wish I knew if she still loved me. I wish I knew her her favorites have changed. I just wish I knew, tongiht I am sad & lonely
Comments(15)
Zurama
Posted on Sat, 3 May 2008
I have other children beside Mickie, but the pain is just as bad. I ask him everyday on our way to the front door of our house......___Did you have a good day at school Mickie? and he looks up at me and then looks away. I never get an answer. It sucks, it really does, but you will get through this and someday she will answer and so will my Mickie and all the other angels. All these will seem like a distant dream.
Doomsday
Posted on Thu, 24 Apr 2008
Hi Livsdad I was reading this post and there was one thing that jumped out that maybe I can help with. "I ask my daughter how was school today. I get a smile, which is what I am thankful for. I get no reply." I had to figure out the same thing with my daughter. It helps that my brain works a lot like hers does. When you ask how school was, that's a very open ended question. She wants to answer, but what's the right answer. The day is full of experiences; how does someone categorize and organize them in a way to make sense to someone else? Does your question mean that you want me to tell you everything? It's very confusing and even though to you is a simple question, can be a very daunting thing to describe. She may need some help organizing her thoughts. Start by asking a more direct question, such as "what was your favorite thing today?" or "what did you do first?", or "was Sally at school today?". Follow up those questions more directed questions like "did you play with Sally at recess?" or " do you like playing on the swing?"
chep
Posted on Fri, 18 Apr 2008
Hello all, I sit here racking my brain daily on what if this, what if that. We're all human beings who want "normal" lives. Sometimes that is not the case. I will speak from a perspective of having an autistic son, whom I absolutely adore! Sometimes normal is not normal, and that is ok. Sometimes we cry, sometimes we laugh, sometimes we wonder why this why that! I look around me and I see other people suffering cancer, and other diseases I cannot even pronounce, and I say, thank God for Autism or NT!! I know this may sound ridiculous, but it’s almost more consoling~our children communicate via hugs, kisses, smiles, pushing, etc! The beaming in their eyes is like a million words! It's just not they way we "want" things to go!!!Let us try really hard despite the obstacles, to really look beyond the disabilities and look at them as abilities:) Stay strong for these wonderful, cute children. They are teaching us patience, perseverance, tolerance and above all, LOVE!!
seymoursheep
Posted on Sun, 13 Apr 2008
we all grieve in our own ways as we go through this journey. I know that at times I have felt angry that I was given one daughter, and then she was taken away and a strange little person was left for me to get to know, and she had no interest in getting to know me. This is ok...it is good to acknowledge this, my husband struggled with it in a different way than i did, he kept his saddness inside and now it is tearing our marriage apart...which is a shame because our daughter is improving so much, and she can tell us so much, and he is so frustrated he cant see the jewel we have...take time to grieve, then take a deep breathe and embrace the new child you have and you will find all sorts of the old familliar things you knew are still there...and under it all she still wants love from her daddy...even if she cant communicate it right now. Best wishes....and normal is over rated anyways....when our kids reach a mile stone...now that is a celebration!!!
OneThirdGA
Posted on Sun, 13 Apr 2008
It is amazing how these shades of reality hit us... You know your child has autism, and that means different things at different times in your life - but yes, the NTs, they are hard to see. I have 2 children with ASD. I have nothing to compare "what it would be like to have a NT family to". This fall, there was a commercial on TV with a fmaily with 2 NT kids sitting at the table eating breakfast, and everytime that darn commercial came on, I cried, because I wondered what I was missing - what would my sons have been like...." Thie thing is, they are not, nor will they ever be the boys in the commercial at that table. I had to sort of let myself grieve that, which I don't think I had ever done. I was so busy getting on with my life and diagnosis of the boys - where we are right now, that I don't think I ever let myself outwardly grieve my loss - and I still think I hold pretty tightly to it. I try for them to stay focussed on who they are right now. The fact is, I have beautiful, sometimes very exasperating boys (that younger one, whew!) But there are times, and there are days, where I whistfully look at the other kids and wonder.... Then I look at the great kids I do have and am very thankkful I have what I have, because of all I am learning from them. I do feel blessed to have my boys - yes, theier communication is different, but it is present. You can find it again with your daughter. I think in any relationship with anyone you can get out of touch a bit, but you can find it. People with autism always have the potential for growth. NTs wiith open-minds do, too, so once aware, it is a win-win combination. Just reach out, you will find your way back to her. Hang in there....
mercurymom
Posted on Sun, 13 Apr 2008
I don't have normal childern either..never did..even with my foster kids..they had issues and hard times...I have just had levels of childern at different stages of development. It hurts, but I cope by looking for the positives..I know John wants me to repaint his room. HOW? he is non-verbal..but still he found a photo of a teen-age boys room that he really wants..and shows it to me over and over. He guides me to the paint chips in hardware stores..he grins at me when looking at a new bedspread..Communication..is anything inwhich we assign understanding. John cannot talk..but BOY can he communicate!! Hugs..it gets easier with time..Cheryl :)
Motherof4
Posted on Sun, 13 Apr 2008
I'm seriously thinking of making up t-shirts that say, "Normal is someone else's problem." Not that this would make you feel much better. Just keep hoping for the day when she will be able to tell you what she's thinking. Daniel talks my ear off now, maybe Liv will do the same to you, one day.
cjkellie
Posted on Sun, 13 Apr 2008
I understand your pain. I have often thanked God above for allowing me to have Justin first -the only special needs he has is me for his mother..lol... I know parents that only have one child and that child has autism. I have heard their cries and lent a shoulder for them to cry on. I have often said that if Chad had been my first child he would have been my only child. I doubt if this offers any comfort to you but I did want you to know that I understand.. Hugs to you for being a wonderful father - she is a mighty lucky girl..
4muskateers
Posted on Sun, 13 Apr 2008
Honey, don't be sad, you only know her the way she is and you don't have the guilt of comparing...I have 5 children and 5 grandchildren...and I can't help compare the kids...especially the G-babies...I see them responding and trying so hard to make sure I understood what they just said...and I turn and see Julian who for some damn reason can't get the words out...you are luckier than you know...you don't have the normal staring at you daily...and the lost look of our child you needs you and you don't know what else to do. I have 4 special children and 1 extrodinary child (JULIAN) love, hugs, and prayers to you both.
slhh130
Posted on Sun, 13 Apr 2008
I get sad about it too! Both of my kids are on the spectrum. I work at the Y and see all the happy mommies and little ones at mommy and me classes sitting and enjoying it while I am not. Its sad but your darling loves you whether she says so or not. You can also teach her to sign it. It used to be my son's favorite before he could talk. Big hugs from IN.
frogfoot1969
Posted on Sun, 13 Apr 2008
I have a 15 yo NT. He was the easiest most laid back child even in the NT world. I was spoiled beyond belief. He never had a tantrum and never whined. He was a little hyper and didn't listen sometimes but other than that he was the "perfect" child. So when we decided to have another child. I truly was not prepared. I knew all children were different with their own little personalities and such. But I was clueless. My pregnancy was complicated and he came early. It has been a struggle ever since. I do feel a stronger connection w/ my special needs child. Somehow working so hard for simple things makes you appreciate it more. I am very blessed to have two wonderful boys!
shannonj
Posted on Sun, 13 Apr 2008
I have Wynn, who has autism and Haley who is NT...and my experience with two very different kids is that I have never hurt for Haley the way that I do for Wynn. When she struggles in school or is sick in bed, it feels manageable and normal and I know there is an end to it in sight. With Wynn, everything is a struggle, and even some things that used to come easy or natural are gone and so I feel a constant sense of mourning. But, I can also say that his accomplishments, regardless how small and insignificant to the rest of the world, raise my spirits to a plane so high, and to a place that parents of NT children could never know. His presence in my life have allowed me to let go of the world's standards that put boxes around individuals and have given me the vision to see his soul.
Crofty
Posted on Sun, 13 Apr 2008
I really feel for you it must be so tough trying to cope with these issues as a single parent. I struggle sometimes even with a supportive family. We have two boys at opposite ends of the spectrum so like you we will never know what it is like to have a NT child. It is very sad but I suppose we have to try and think that our children are unique and special and need us just the same. Your little girl needs you and loves you more than words can say so try and hang in there, it is a tough rollercoaster of emotions sometimes but any achievements she makes will be priceless and will make you very proud. I'm thinking of you and hope you're feeling a little better soon. Big hugs from the UK xx
