We all feel it. We all know the emotions that go with the Autism dance. Sometimes, it's one step forward, then one step back. Other times, you'll be higher than a kite because it's maybe three steps forward with only one step back. The worst is when you wake up, thinking it's a normal day and you realize today... it's three steps back. We don't know why.
I feel the most confused on the days where I think it's any average day, and it's a two or three step forward day, BUT fearing the potential one or two or three steps back that may come could just about kill me with anxiety.
Lately, James has been doing so amazing. I wish I could live in the day, appreciating the positive, but I'm so scared to enjoy it. It feels like every time I'm happy about his progress, I get pummelled. The next day, out of the blue I can't reach him or he loses bits of communication that were there a few days ago.
I just get scared. I get so scared to get my hopes up. I don't care really how he turns out, as long as he is happy and hopefully self sufficient and can learn... I just want him to be ok... I just don't want him to struggle. I don't want him to be get hurt. I guess I'm really not that different from any other parent, right?