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In this space, share about yourself, your family, your job, your passions.... whatever you care to reveal, it's up to you. And you can change it or update it as often as you would like.

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Lessons Learned

by on 09.19.08 - public

You never stop Learning. Just when you get one thing or phase figured out...here come 3 more for you to figure out...and then when your trying to figu...

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You never stop Learning. Just when you get one thing or phase figured out...here come 3 more for you to figure out...and then when your trying to figure those out, regression comes back and you have to relearn, what you already learned.
So the one thing I have learned is it's a never ending process.

I've also learned that my son's autism isnt just teaching me about Autism. But it is teaching me to be a better me...then I might have been, had I never known autism.... a cause bigger than Me.
I have learned, Dont judge a book or a situation, based on appearance....because you may just be missing the main ingrediant or clue that reveals the whole puzzle.
I'm Learning, that just being Patient...requires more patients and some things are worth the wait. But I still struggle with wanting things on my own time table.

I'm learning that laughter is the best medicine...especially after sitting in the class of Humility. After your child jumps out of the public pool and decides they are done swimming and therefore the swimsuit is no longer required. Or Sitting through that one church service...when during the sermon, you son feels the need to run up to the baptistry, just to make sure there is still water in the pool....and your praying..Please dont jump in....Whatever you do....mom, isnt dressed for swimming this morning.

I'm learning, That no matter how bad things may seem....somebody out there always has it worse than I do...and I need to focus on the positive...because this too will pass.

Just last night, I was reminded that Sleep is an Option...not a Requirement.
I have been taught that I can be an advocate for my child, and I can make a difference in his educational setting....and I have been educated from the school of hard knocks. Experience is what you get when you dont get what you want...which makes you wiser for the next IEP meeting and in the words of Scarlett O'Hara....There is always Tomorrow!

I'm also learning....That everyday, should be like Christmas. Not about the gifts we recieve, but the gift of Love, we have to share with one another. All I need to do is look at the Christmas Tree in my Living room...and Here my son say...HO HO HO...Merry Christmas...In the Middle of September. He doesnt care there arent any presents under the tree, He just wants to decorate my house, and 2 years ago, he couldnt say that phrase. Miracles happen.

So,Dont sweat the small stuff...or the small stuff will eat you alive....and pick your battles wisely, because Rome wasnt built in a day.

I have learned, that is ok to Take a Vacation from Autism...Trust me it will still be there when you get back...the only thing that will change will be your disposition and your ability to cope.

Supermom Doesnt Exist - Therefore I am an imperfect mother of an autistic child, but to my child I am his perfect mom....You know, the keeper of the Cheerios. If God had problems with his children...what makes me think its going to be easier for me? 
And one doesnt have to have an autistic child, to know raising children under any circumstance is a challenge....I'm reminded of this when my so called normal children, give me more gray hair than my autistic child.

And the biggest thing I have learned and I'm still Learning. When I have to Let Go and Let God. I do believe, God is bigger than the boogie man....and Autism. Humans make Mistakes, God Doesnt. I was sent an email yesterday, and I think its pretty appropriate...Worry looks around....Faith looks Up.

Thanks for letting me ramble....keep in mind...written and posted on 2 hours of sleep....because Sleep is Optional. LOL

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Respect

by on 08.25.08 - public

First of all, you could have knocked me over with a feather after this exchange! Seriously! After Kyle left the room, I cried, I laughed, I wondered a...

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First of all, you could have knocked me over with a feather after this exchange! Seriously! After Kyle left the room, I cried, I laughed, I wondered at the progress made and marveled at the light years traveled! Dave and I did a little dance of joy! Thinking about the seriously impaired kid Kyle used to be at 6 (10 years ago ~ before biomedical intervention), and the young man who stood in front of his parents and spoke his opinion. WOW!!I don't think that I would have had the "calzones" to stand my ground with my Dad (Kyle's Poppi) at 16 the way Kyle did last week with his Dad, Dave.

Okay, let me say that, especially for the last 2 years, as Kyle creeps closer and closer toward the higher functioning end of the Autism Spectrum and "NT" status, my hubby, Dave, has been engaging in a lot more of the father-son, busting-chops, logger-head kind of behavior. Some times Kyle gets it, but most of the times he doesn’t. Part of me understands that Dave hopes he’s getting him ready to “take on the world” and part of me keeps trying to explain to Dave that it usually doesn’t do what he hopes it will do for Kyle. It drives me nuts sometimes! I hate it that I’m grinding my teeth and yelling at one of them or both of them to “knock it off”.

Anyway, I don't know what was said between them last week, but Kyle comes storming out of my room saying, "Mom, Dad makes me so mad! I know he loves me, but he really makes me mad. When is he going to stop?" Before I could say a word, Kyle continues with, "Dad expects me to respect him - when is he going to respect me?" My jaw dropped open; then I closed my mouth, thought for a few seconds and said to him, "Come on and you need to say to your Dad what you just said to me"! So, we go into the bedroom and I tell Dave that Kyle wants to say something important to him and Dave needs to listen. Kyle repeats his statement, "I respect you; why don't you respect me?" Dave was so shocked! I was so proud of Kyle and said, “Honey, do you see why I’m telling you what I’m telling you?”

Then, the earth really moved because Kyle continued with, "When you make me mad like that Dad, I start to wish that Pat S. (a dear family friend and our daughter's god-father) was maybe my Dad. Then, I start to think that I know you’re going to die some day. You know it’s been hard for Mom since Nanni died. She and her Mom got along great. I don't want to feel guilty when you die. I don't want to stand at the grave when you are being buried feeling badly because I got so mad that I wished someone else was my Dad. So, would you please STOP teasing me, Dad, please?"

Oh My Gosh!! Stunned is an understatement! Dave was gob-smacked for several moments himself. Then he told Kyle he was really sorry and he would try to tone it down and go easier on him. Kyle told him thanks and told Dave he STILL loved him! Then he said, "Mom, you were right! I DO feel better". You know, every once in a while, the stars align in the cosmos and you get graced with a moment of celestial bliss!! Hope is a wonderful thing! We just rode out 4 days of lashing rains from the outside edge of Hurricane Fay and there wasn’t one close encounter of the Dad and Son kind! YEAH!!!

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"Guana" Hear a Funny Story!

by on 07.24.08 - public

This all went down a few days ago, but I just didn't get the chance to compose until now!

We had to take an unexpected trip to NY 2 weeks ago. We b...

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This all went down a few days ago, but I just didn't get the chance to compose until now!

We had to take an unexpected trip to NY 2 weeks ago. We battened down the hatches in FLA in case a storm came while we were away. We collected all the patio chairs, put all the lawn crap in the garage and wound down the patio umbrella.

A few days after we got home, I said to Kyle we needed to sort out the back yard and pool area. I have a long wand like "picker-upper" tool, because I have a compressed spine. It just makes it easier to pick stuff up. I had that in my hand, when I noticed all this disgusting bird poop on the patio table.

I asked Kyle to get me the garden hose to wash it off, grumbling about the @#$% birds, as I had started to wind open the umbrella. A "bird" suddenly shot by me and I thought what the heck kind of ... I'm still cranking when all of a sudden WHOOSH!!!

All these freaking bats start zooming out from under the umbrella (that's about 1/3rd open at this point). I let out a yelp and so does Kyle. He runs for the family room door. I start swinging my picker upper. I hit about 6 of  the bats into the pool. I get back to the crank and open the umbrella some more and more flipping bats fly out. Suddenly I hear a Tarzan kind of yelling howl.

Here comes Kyle, swinging this huge mope and yelling, "You're not going to get my Mom's blood"! I was laughing and shrieking and ducking and smacking. By the time we got to the end, there had been about 40 - 50 bats. Most of the bats that had landed in the pool were able to get out except for 2 of them. Now we're trying to reach them before they drown.

When we were FINALLY bat free, Kyle turned to me and pleads, "Mom, I am NOT a coward"! Now I'm feeling badly because I'm wondering if he thought I was laughing at him. I reassured him I didn't think he was a coward! He said, "Mom, I thought you were right behind me when I ran into the house, but then I realized you were still outside. I was afraid they would suck my blood, but I had to save you! So I ran around, found the mop and came out swinging. Am I your hero? I told him he was because a hero is someone who might be afraid, but struggles on to help another person or living thing! He replied, "Whew! I would never want you to be ashamed of me"!

That nearly broke my heart! So, I told him he was truly brave, we were going to celebrate with some dark chocolate ... and man, it was so GOOD!!

Let me tell ya, I don't ever want to spy any guano again!

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Your Comments

by on 07.22.08 - public

Attention Mr. Savage

This is addressed this way because I hesitate to use thhe word "dear" in front of your name.

I have been asked to be polite...

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Attention Mr. Savage

This is addressed this way because I hesitate to use thhe word "dear" in front of your name.

I have been asked to be polite if I write a response to your comments made on the radio about Autism.  (I am writing and will try to be polite.)

I am the mother of a 28 year old young man who has Autism.  My name is Shirley T. Buttram.  My son's name is Beau.  I am married and my son does have a father that has disciplined him to the best of his ability.  You think a good spanking is proper discipline for our children.  When my son was young I did spank him.  I could have spanked him until he turned blue, but it would not have done any good.  I could have told him not to do this and not to do that to no avail.

Children who have Autism have the lack of being able to express themselves.  They usually can't talk until later in life.  This is after much Speech Therapy, and sensitivity training that they receive.

You said this training was turning us into a nation of cowards.

Autism is a brain development disorder that impairs social interaction and communication, it causes restricted and repetitive behavior.  I have seen my son Beau stand and bite his hand so much that it left a corn on his hand because of this repetitive behavior.

When my son was small we were told he had ADHD.  At that time only one in 10,000 children were diagnosed with Autism.  I had to fight for every bit of therapy he got.  I also had to pay for it.  It was unheard of for insurance to provide payment for speech therapy.  I had to fight for him to stay in regular classes with his peers.  I did not then nor do I now want him left out of regular classes.  I did/do not want him just to be babysat in a Special Education class.  I want him to, as the Marine Corp or Army slogan says "Be All He Can Be."

I have spent many nights after I had worked all day working with him moving his lips and tongue trying to get him to understand what speech was all about.  I cut out pictures in magazines and made him little folders with these pictures to get him to understand what words meant.

This was long before ABA therapy or occupational therapy became available for children with Autism.

My son was kicked out of three day cares before he was four years old.  One day care---a church day care locked him in a closet many times with the lights out.  As soon as I found out about this I removed him from there.

You have no idea what these children or their parents go through trying to raise them.

Beau has had rocks thrown at him, food thrown at him, he has been spit upon, called a "retard", had kids to insult him and refuse to play with him.  He has hardly ever had a friend to treat him decently.

But let me tell you something!  My son has finished high school with a general diploma!  It took him extra time after graduating with a certificate of attendance to get his diploma but he is not a quitter!  He continued to try until he finally passed the Alabama Exit Exam.  He has a driver's license and is one of the best drivers I have ever ridden with!  He is taking home college courses from Covington Theological Seminary.  He loves the Lord Jesus Christ with all his heart!  He is a hard worker and holds down a job that he works at six days a week.  He is not a quitter!

We have not asked anyone for their sympathy.  Beau nor I can help what happened to him.  The doctors do not even know what causes Autism.  They can give a few medications that can help with the anxiety and sensory overload that they experience but there is no known cure at this time for Autism.

My son, Beau, is a Christian first and foremost.  He is loving, kind, generous, thoughtful person and he will pray for you and with you at a moments notice.

I invite you to try to live in these children's shoes.  Go out into the world and behave as if you don't understand anything, let your hands flap and roll up uncontrollably, have trouble feeding yourself, trouble chewing, and swallowing.  Just try it!! These children are not doing this for attention nor do they think it's fun.

You need to rethink your stand on Autism and make an open apology to all the millions of people who have Autism and their families.

I am posting your comments on an Autism site.  I hope you get over a million e-mails telling you what a mistake you have made.

Shirley T. Buttram/Proud Parent
offmyrocker4jesus1@bham.rr.com

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In a Land Far Away

by on 07.15.08 - public

In a land far away there was a teacher who heard the call to change her job and follow her passion. She's still working that all out, but in the mean...

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In a land far away there was a teacher who heard the call to change her job and follow her passion.  She's still working that all out, but in the meantime knew that a huge chunk of her passion led to working with this group of people with whom she feels a connection.  This led her in search of ways to support these kids and their families, and has started with the first protocol she would pursue - RDI.  She has been to the land of giant Texans, and has started the CRAZY-BUSY-THIS-IS-A-HUGE-LEARNING-CURVE-BUT-OH-SO-INTERESTING-AND-EXCITING
path of certification.   As I sat through classes, and read more and more research and theory, and listened to the latest finding out of Harvard, she was wowed at how the Gutstein/Sheely team seemed to marry theory, practice, parenting and common sense into this protocol...she was amazed - and a bit overwhelmed.  She has her first three families and is forging ahead.  The RDI gurus say it's a journey, a puzzle, a marathon...and she is glad she's on it.  She sends her best, has not fallen off the earth, and looks forward to reading what everyone has had to say these days.

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