State: NJ
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Member since: Apr 06, 2008
Last logged in: Nov 29, 2008
I am in NJ. My husband and I have six kids. We have two three year olds who are on the spectrum. They are a boy and a girl and are completely opposite in personality and autistic symptoms. Our life is never dull!
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wktb's Compositions
by wktb on 06.04.08 - public - 126 visits
Does it upset you to see photos of your kids before they regressed? Today I came across my youngest kids picture shortly after they turned one. It just tore at my heart and made me want to scream. Here is my son shyly smiling at the camera. I remember how good they were. No tantrums, no stimming, no ASD dx. There were some slight issues then, but they were just emerging. Another picture of all the kids from when they were about six months old does the same thing to me. My son is smiling this huge smile he used to do. This makes me so angry. This never should have happened. This is not the life my son was supposed to live. He does not deserve this.
Comments(12)
wktb
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
The picture really caught me off guard. For me every day I say "What if" because he has two sisters the same age. So every day I am reminded of what he is supposed to be doing. And what I see he wants to do but can't. I see what he misses out on and how when all the kids are playing, he is alone. This was my happy social boy who was the first one to make sounds and try to talk. And now he is nonverbal. This just hurts so much and you never know when it is going to grab your heart and remind of you of how things were.
LisaAKAmom
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
Yes!!! I have the before autism pictures..where he is making eye contact, imitating and saying momma and interacting in his world...and then the after picture...there is one in particular, which was taken after we got the diagnosis...and he has that Autism Ghost look in his eyes...like invasion of the body snatchers...my son's body is there...but my son is gone. And its so crystal clear in that picture...it really bugged me for the longest to look at it. Especially when he was first dxed.
noaholiviaian
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
For sure. I get very sad at times when I walk by those bright-eyed baby pictures on the wall. My son was so, so, super smiley. He still is, but the eyes don't connect the same way to the camera. Those pictures also give me motivation.
Motherof4
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
I'm so sorry, you all. That must be hideous pain. My experience was so different. I look at Daniel's old pictures and see such progress, and though I feel pain that he went through all he did, it's not the same as yours.
KevinLivsDad
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
Lord, I have some voicemails I have saved on my voicemail of leaving two sentence messages for me. Make me want to cry sometimes.
Caliboo818
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
Oh yes I get angry not only at pics but of videos of him dancing to space jam with his pacifer in his mouth rocking back and forth and the only words he knew was welcome to the space jam. And then to see how after that he didnt speak anything else uggggg
LifeCoachLaura
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
I rehung a photo we had blown up the other day. The picture is of Harrison at about 14 months - pre-regression - out in the yard on a Fall day pulling a red wagon. He looks so carefree and I realized when I really looked at it again to rehang it in a new place, that we were fairly carefree then too. It brought me to tears. I try not to go into "what if." It doesn't seem productive and just brings more pain. I try to focus on the now and the future, but there are moments when I just can't, so I understand.
carmel66
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
I have three "levels" of pix of my son...pre regression; baaaaaaaad times; better times. Yes, it makes me angry esp. when I see the "suggested" timeline of shots. Suggested? Since when? Oh yeah, since Hannah Poling.
Traci-Ann
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
I don't cry at the photos but I was watching some old video footage of Xander the other day before the ASD. I had been up most of the night with my then new born daughter who was having a terrible time feeding and I was shattered. Xander picked up a compact disk and said ta mumma and gave me a big smile and you see me just take it and says thanks like I am hardly really noticing whilst still in my PJs having a cup of tea. I burst into tears because there I was not listening to him and now I would give anything for him to say that to me. But then I just remember that what I did was what any parent would do. It does hurt but I look forward to the day I hear those words again
Zurama
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
Yes, very angry!! I have them all in chronological order and boy, do they tell the story.
mercurymom
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
YES!!! I used to hide them. Now I have them as proof kinda..for people to see when they are over. My favorite is one of John at the beach drawing in the sand..a skill he lost to this day!! Another has him on the phone talking to his Grandmother, big smile, typical kid. Then I have these breathtaking beautiful glass doll photos of him with empty eyes no expression on his face. They are haunting..and a striking contrast to the happy baby photos. People need to see it, understand this steals a childes life. He is more that just different..he CHANGED. I agree you child, my child did not deserve this..no child does!!
4muskateers
Posted on Wed, 4 Jun 2008
Yes, I get angry...I tell myself if I knew then what I know now...But then I remember that I could just be angry and waist my energy on nothing or get angry enough to make the impossilbe happen...stay tune for the slide show on Julian's progress...I want to have it ready for Father's Day.
