I’ve heard the weather reports and recognize that it is surely inevitable that I’ll wake up to 10 inches of coverage and an email alert of school closings. Still, I say a prayer that perhaps the forecast could be wrong, just slightly enough that the precipitation ends early, the roads can be easily cleared and all buses can leave the garages on time….

The alarm wakes me at 6 am and I roll over to spy the fresh powder clinging to the branches out my window. I tiptoe downstairs, notice the road has not been cleared (a bad sign) and log on to my computer. Sure enough, two emails assure me that I will certainly have an extra six hours of quality time with my 12 year old high-energy, low interest, revved up and always famished autistic son…..not to mention my 11 year old daughter who will spend countless hours in her haven of a room for safety, peace, and sanity…Once again, the answer to my prayer was no. That’s okay because I am keeping track and one day I am expecting a really big miracle.

After I have ascertained that everyone is fed, Wynn is occupied with PBS and Haley is safe and put in her room with the door locked, I venture out into the garage. But not before I pull Steve’s snow pants over my pajama bottoms, grab his gloves (because I always know where to find his), pull the red fleece hat over my bed-hair, and zip my green LL Bean coat over my gray fleece top. The tractor is gassed up from yesterday’s run and she starts easily with a purr.

Before I even leave the garage, I sense a tension that is too compelling to ignore. I don’t even have to look up to know that an outraged Wynn will be standing at the door, yelling something I can’t hear and certainly will not answer right. Darn. I was hoping to make at least one pass down the driveway before the torture began. Turning to face him, I see his lips moving but can’t hear a word of his rant over the engine of the snow plow. Turning the key back off, I now find that I have really ticked him off and he is now yelling for me to “turn it back on and listen better!”…..His OCD is bigger than both of us and so I obediently crank her up again, and squint my eyes in my best attempt at lip reading. I think he is asking if I still love him and so I nod enthusiastically and yell back, “Yes! Yes!”…The next question resembles “Am I your boy forever?”…and I respond with another very emphatic, “Yes! Yes!”….Then comes another question that is harder to deceifer but I assume that the answer is affirmative because that seems to be the pattern and I therefore nod again, smile my biggest grin and yell at the top of my lungs, “Yes, yes!”. When the doors slams and the house quivers, I know that I have answered wrong. I turn off the engine just in time to see the door open and my red-faced son accusing me of wanting him to die soon. Who would know that he was asking me about his lifespan, standing there in the doorway in his pjs and barefeet? It was an honest mistake and now I would pay. Stomping towards me, I decided to head down the driveway and let him follow me back and forth in his tirade…..As the white fluff arcs through the air, I realize that Wynn is not behind me. Instead, he has stopped at the edge of the garage and continues to spew his angry words at the top of his lungs. In this moment, I am grateful for the few acres that separate us from the neighbors, and for the sound of several other roaring snow plows in driveways down the road. Whatever is happening in my driveway right now is mine alone, thank goodness. And from experience, too much experience, I know this will soon pass. Wynn expected to be at school today, expected to have a packed lunch and a clear routine. This snow day is a transition, a change, and will only be processed after the meltdown, and not a minute before. If I can just focus on the patterns I am making as the tires take me over the bumps of caked snow and tune out the hum of a pacing and pointing firecracker of a boy at the top of the hill, I can get through this crisis with my dignity still intact. I breathe deeply the crisp air and pull my hat below my ears. I sweep away the paths of snow that threaten to trap me at home to insure that my car can safely drive us to school tomorrow when the weather clears and the schools reopen. I focus and I conquer.

Wrapping it up at the top of the driveway, I notice that Wynn is no longer outside. I’m relieved, but nervous at the same time. At least when he was yelling at me I knew where
he was and that his sister was not being harassed and the pantry was not being raided. Now, all I knew was the quiet and it worried me. Calculating that my time might be short,
I grabbed the snow shovel and ran to clear the sidewalk leading to the front door. If the snow turned to rain as predicted, this sidewalk could become slick and dangerous. We get very few visitors here on Shapleigh road, but the ones that tread that sidewalk bring packages with supplements and lab kits, in-home support hours, and rides for my daughter to school. I’ll shovel a path to my front door if it kills me…..

As I lift the shovel over my shoulder, I feel a presence and know that I am being watched. I sure hope it isn’t the perfect neighbors that live next door, worried about the ruckus coming from my house once again. Looking up with caution, I spy my laughing son through the front door panes, clapping and dancing with delight. For a reason that I may never know, I am the subject of great humor in this moment. If I could capture that laughter and bottle that side-splitting delight, I could rule the world---or at least my little corner of the world. What I wouldn’t do for a potion like that……Determined to prolong this experience, for both of us, I look right into his bright eyes, smile as big as I can, and leap high up into the air for effect. He loves it! Mommy does tricks, just like a pet..more, more, more! The next thing I know I am first hopping on one leg, then marching with the shovel over my head, then singing show tunes from Alladin and Lion King—all on command from the great puppeteer behind the front door window pane. Right then, I’m the mommy that I have always wanted to be. The one who calms a storm, who brings a smile, who is funny and yummy….who is everything and all things to her loving, happy boy.