My journey with autism has been a rocky one. Denial, anger and grief were my best friends when I heard the PDD diagnosis in 1997 and then the autism diagnosis in 1999 for my eldest and the autism diagnosis in 2003 for my younger child. It has been an uphill climb being a single mom for most of their existence. I've unable to do certain things because of childcare and behavior issues. I have missed out on some experiences because between social groups, Dr. appointments, strutured learning and their daily schedules, I'm just too tired. I also have the guilt sometimes that maybe I'm not doing enough or there is another therapy that might work better that and I just need to find the money for it. But beyond all that I look at these two beautiful, special gifts that God has given me and I think, so what? If my youngest has loud outburst in public and people stare, so what? If my oldest sings a commercial at the top of his lungs, so what? If they tap their heads and stare at their fingers and perseverate sometimes, so what? They are my heroes. They live their lives to fullest everyday, most typical people can't say the same. I am charged with this awesome responsibility and I will continue to do so as long as God wills it. They have me brought joy and sadness, confusion and undeniable happiness. All things considered I wouldn't have any other way.